I dropped my kids at my grandma's house a little after lunch. This has been a rhythm of mine for the last year or so to have the better part of one day a week to myself. My grandma is great-grandma to my babies. She's amazing. On this day, one day a week, I almost always have an appointment or two lined up and some reading or cleaning in my house to catch up on. But, today I didn't have anything that needed to happen.
My perception on time and living in a hurried way has been shifting. I can feel it happening. Maybe, it's the season I'm in or the book I've been reading. I can't put my finger on how exactly my thinking is changing but one thing I know for sure. God loves me and He'll use everything in my day to keep teaching me to rest, trust, rely on Him and desire Him in well, everything...
Today, on my one day a week, I could've tried to 'get ahead' on something important. I'm good at that! I've done it lots of times before. But, nothing actually felt that important and God knows I long to follow His Spirit. I want to walk WITH Him not on my own ahead of Him! This is a prayer for me lately.
I packed my bag with a book, a snack, a towel, my Bible, and water bottle, and sun glasses (because it's Summer still) and headed outdoors. After, I ate my cucumber sandwich, hummus, and corn chips sitting in stillness. I spread out my towel, a pillow, and fell asleep on my dock that rests on top of our little body of water. I dozed off until my sister called. As I listened to her special voice I heard her heart filled with words of updates of new baby and packing and moving soon to a different part of the country. After a little while she had to go and help her older baby toddler so I decided to open up my book and read a little. Soon, I'm highlighting and breathing prayers of thankfulness... peace, grace. presence, rest, love.
I took a deep, slow breath in. Probably, the first one I've taken in days and smelled the change in the air and felt God's peace touch me. I rolled myself over and sat up to check and see what the clouds were doing. They were big and dark and full and beautiful, haunting in a good way! A hawk, I don't know what kind, was using the soon-to-be-summer-storm wind to glide and soar high over me. I don't believe God put this hawk just here right now just for me but He surely does use all His creatures and the powers of nature to say something.
I felt His presence hovering. As if He wanted to say, "Life is here Amy for the taking. I give it freely for you, for your good, for my glory..." I sat still looking up all around me, little me, learning about all the freedom I have with God. It began to rain. I placed my things back into my bag and protected it with the towel I had just moments before used to lay in the sun. I headed for shelter. It's amazing how quickly things change.
When I stop to rest I really see.
I've been outdoors a lot in nature lately with friends and family and it's all good and it's moments and memories and experiences together and I love it! But, it's different when I'm all by myself with God. I feel His Spirit that lives in me smiling saying, 'Well done, my girl'. I love this time with you! "I'm so happy you're getting my point. I've been following you around teaching you, that a big part of serving Me, loving Me, bringing Me glory can only be done in rest, in waiting, in being still and finding out that I am God."
God loves us. He's abundantly kind to let me know when I've chosen well. It feels a lot like peace for my soul. I became aware of a grace, undeserved, while I was busy not accomplishing anything. This is what I'm learning and it's good and it's life giving!
Today, on my one day a week God gave a gift to me.
He reminded me that I don't have to do as much as I think.
He made it clear that taking my time in His presence just being and letting Him love me however He would like to, is worth putting aside my desire to accomplish another thing on my to-do list.
Resting with Him is worth every second.
"Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere." - Psalm 84:10a NIV