"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything.
Live the questions now."
- Rainer Maria Rilke
I have many memories of myself jumping to answers or "quick-fix" solutions to a challenge to escape the uncomfortable feelings I was experiencing because of them. It used to be my 'normal' to attempt to control because I didn't know any other way. I'm aware of how living with a question that feels so pressing and uncomfortable to one's heart and mind doesn't feel good. I remember what I would experience.
I would have a question or feel like there was a problem. I would take control, figure it out, and go about trying to fix it, but nothing seemed to truly progress. I was a Christian, a Jesus follower, but I didn't know how to apply the things that were unresolved in my heart and let them be a part of my relationship with him. I didn't know yet how the uncomfortable parts were inviting me into a deeper relationship.
I believe our ability to hold our questions is crucial because if we can't we ignore one of the biggest parts of what makes us human. Our value and his purposes for us are difficult for us to see if we can't look and ask and wait in our real longings inside this sacred relationship. When we can't wait with our questions, we tend to rush ahead, trying to make something else work or happen instead.
In other words, we tend to try to control and manage life instead of discerning what Jesus is doing
in our life.
True connection with God as my love and my guide draws me toward maturity, understanding, and grace. My increasing capacity to be attentive to myself in God's presence brings light and truth into my heart. As I wait for the awareness I need to hear, friendship with Jesus becomes more personal. When I rush away from my questions, it actually disregards the experience of relationship.
When I try to answer too quickly, take control, and figure out a solution on my own, I haven't given myself a chance to experience Jesus and hear His voice in the situation.
Becoming present to ourselves, to Jesus, and at times a trusted soul friend nourishes a deeper feeling than a quick-fix response ever can, but it requires going there with him. It takes practice.
Starter Prayer ...
Father, Son, and Spirit, help me lean on you instead of running into my own conclusions. Enable me by your spirit to listen in prayer and in life as you reveal what I need to know. Your revelations, your heart, your wisdom means more to me than feeling like I have control. Thank you, for nourishing me as I wait with you.
Can I hold my question with the Lord without trying to solve it?
Can I be patient with this thing that is unsolved in my heart?
Can I rest with my question in God's presence?
"I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation my fortress where I will never be shaken."